Monday, November 30, 2009

An Early of His Loves Story

"It was a very Grey sky on the park today, phewww~ what a boring day as usual."
That was Jiro driving back home after hangout with some of his own buddies. As usual there is nothing much to do lately for him except record songs, mixing work, sleeping, taking order from his dad and playing guitar.

Once at home, with usual routine he hooked up on the internet web community called Tagged. Obviously at first he join this tagged web because of funny bastard and horny lousy bitch, but not all of them are the same, but it is bit different than Myspace and Facbook which not really gather a lot of high life style people or arrogant bastard like they have in Myspace or Facebook. Tagged is more a place like real kampung people or the real Malaysian people, not like some other in MS and FB all are wanna be and kind of socialism center.

Most of the time, Jiro will just login and look for cool , pretty, cute face only and just add but not even contact them, Jiro is not a pervert but he likes to observe cute girl to see different kind of beauty in different of perspective. Also love to watch some stupid wanna be or maybe the perfect stupid exploiter.

So he click, he add, he click, he add. Got approval, some chicks will sent him a message, but he reply with a very lousy and lazy ass. Got picture comment but cant stop those people to tag or comment him with stupid big big comment picture and making money lousy stuff. After he caught on one girl, with a blue shirt and big shades.. he ask "she look interesting, doesn't she? lets check her up."

He came in to her profile "Shah Alam huh? well very interesting, let see if this girl really a snobbish person or not, kinda fun to get into argument." So he add her, but looks at her name or what, just saw her location Shah Alam, he go straight to picture gallery.

"Well well well, not so bad, she's kinda cute one, but with all this edited picture its hard to believe, some more is she another lesbian for today?" he thinking that way as some of the picture is with a pengkid in a dorm room. But what the heck for Jiro, just add her, put her in my top list as usual, only the diamond deserve to shine but we could never know what the value is.

So he make a move to send a private message
"hello cheng hahah~ shah alam stay ket ne ehh? mmg org shah alam yerk?"
Today still a boring day he said. A lot of work to be done, some more doing recordings for Iqeat project, and he always realize how boring and lonely he was. He kept looking at photo of him and his ex-girlfriend "I used to be the happiest guy on earth, life, music, band, money, career, all go so well until this stuck up bitch turn me into an asshole. What a life..."

Jiro not do very well in a relationship even he giving the best of him towards it, but at the end, only he been dumped with a cruelty way. Last winter, her girl friend dumped her because another guy, but he know that was not the real story till he figure out that her ex-girlfriend already been with him for 3 months and already did all the intimation. How frustrated he was, much more she left the band and There Was A Car Crashed also disbanded as everyone is leaving after that incident. He quit his day job, back to his worst life, drug trafficking, alcohol abuse and start up a gang of brutality.

He totally lost his faith on everything, he not even trust anyone anymore, he get more hatred, he hates hypocrite extremely, he dislike poser's, even he lost his touch of guitar and music for quite some. He hang up with high class people who don't give a shit about life, met up few bastard and every night is always a long run. But get back to the old track doesn't really bad as it is.

He started to see the new generation conflict, rebellious, non-virgin 14 years old girl, drug heaven and social life that really disturbing the roots and spirit. He realize he once to be in this stage but the environment was totally different. Kiddo now days more chasing nothing, doing stupid things, don't even catch a respect for reputation and achievement.

He was a bad guy in high school, he used drug even better, he manage things right, but it just not the same. Back in the days we stick like a family, we're ganged up for not come and whack people, but for the life we shared. We're survivor, but kids now days, all of them was pampered by money, sex, alcohol, drugs and even worst selling life for prove something that not even realistic, it is a delusion of sensation. We're united and never be divided and the only thing we want to prove to people is we can make it what ever we want to achieve because the real world is so bias. We just little bit rebel because we always not get anything that ours. But today, all this bullshit in town are just to show of. They was given to much until they already forget the value of having it, the value of chasing it, and the value of appreciate it.

And that's why he realize, the rich, the poor, the good looking, the bad guy looking now days all are the same. The rich will ditch the poor, and the poor will keep on giving trouble to the rich. The good looking will keep poison girls how bad is the bad guy but at the end they just wanna slept with them. And the bad guy, always the bad guy. All of them hypocrite, they just doing things to get returns in favors. For bad or for good, just the same.

Again he had slow down, he felt so boring with this life, that's the reason why he is here doing his own things, music alone with superhuman crew, online, studying and keep thing low as he can. Because he used to be on the top of everyone but nothing was there, it just a crap of place that so many people wanted so much.

Suddenly he login and there he got one message in tagged. Its from that blue shirt and big shades girl..
"holla..
i stay kt uitm shah alm gk dalm hostel...
i bkn org shah alm..i org kelantan tp d bsrkn d KL n Kuantan...
u??"
He smiled. And with happy mood, he not reply it yet, because started to think that he should be nice to her, stop being ass and jerk to all the girl or not he will end up lonely forever. So he keep on thinking but nothing could get him on words to attract her, somehow he gave up and say "Better i just be my self, if she really want to make friends with me, let her decide it."

So he reply;

"holla..

hehehe owwhh study sana la ehh.. heheh study course apa?

i plak mmg orang shah alam :) asal sini hehehe so skung kira asal KL atau kuantan?"

Not yet login, he go into her photo gallery again and check her up, he just smile and keep smiling for no reason but he feel real good that time.

IQEAT show is another 1 week on to go, Jiro kinda busy helping Iqeat out for practicing and encourage Ema to do well on the show it self. He got less time to online, but because of Cheng he managed him self before of to bed to check his mailbox, but no luck, there is no replies. He just continue his stuff to wander around in tagged for something that can put him to sleep.

So day by day, time by time, there is no reply from her until there is a new private message, its not a reply from previous one, Cheng ask him to add her on YM as she not that often to logon to tagged.

He add her and BUZZZ there she is, yeh he seems so happy so they chat for a quite as he need to go out that time. They talk about each other, Jiro seems so happy and ask her alot of question but he being so careful, he don't want to end up being a crap person or have a bad intention towards her, and that time he realize, he really likes her. But the beat never up tempo all the time till she mention to him that she just wanna be single and don't want to commit in any relationship. He quite disappointing even he not approach her in any way. But he keep the positive energy with him and he said "She was a fun girl, maybe i don't need her to be my girlfriend as long she always around and not missing."

Another 2 days for Iqeat show, he was planning to ask her out, so he invited her to come with, but he not that brave enough to be directly to her. He just push him self to ask her out and ask for her number, but what do you say huh? He managed to get her number out of the odds he been calculating. But well, he not that type of guy anymore to give a call and sweet chit chat things, he knows Cheng is not like the average girl that he used to be with, Cheng managed to made him to respect her more and more. Even he don't know what happen to him self, but it was okay for him as long Cheng was there to talk with.

The night came, Iqeat show, he was nervous to go and meet her, his heart beating fast, he cant even calm, he trying so hard to calm, but lost of track. There she is knocking his car windows "Oh my god, she even more cute on live."

So together they go to Lepaq cafe where the show being held. While driving, they talk a bit, he was a bit shy and less word, but he always know he good at being a jerk and do jokes, most likely the more he control his attitude the more he being him self, he can't resist it. Piratically at the cafe, Jiro always serve his good friend more than any one, Jiro and Cheng was sit at separate table, but Jiro cant get his eyes on her, he felt guilty, but the place was packed, no room to to fit a person on his side, even he manage to but she coming with her friend and its kinda rude to ask her to left her friend alone.

Later that night, because she cant go back to her dorm because already past curfew, he accompany her hang out at Mc Donalds till the break of dawn. He get to talk with her more and more, Jiro being so transparent, he not even shame to share about his past to her, he know, she not a type of person that will judge by it cover or his past. Iqeat with them as well. Jiro told Iqeat privately that he really likes her, but not yet reach to love her as both of them know what happen to Jiro last winter, all the miserable thing comes at once. But he did ask Iqeat to take her photo candidly or if got a chance, please take a photo of him with her.

After that session, they always hang out together. More often, but there is one time when Jiro again to face the disappointment when she state out that be with friend is already better than get a boy friend. He was so depress, because he knows he already fall in love with her, so he just hold his wish to approach her because he was afraid to lose her at all and to face the rejection sooner. Start from that point he try to set his mind to not approach her, just put the line where he just only can be friend, maybe he started to give up.

There is a time when she follow Jiro to the jamming session, that was really a tiring day, he not get enough sleep plus with preparation for the jamming it self already kill him. But its not that bad at all. Jiro always enjoy jamming but the matter is after the jamming. He felt that Cheng less talking to him. Even Cheng don't want him to accompany her at Mc Donalds and ask him to go home and get a good sleep. But Jiro is so negative at that times, he just wanted to be with her, to laugh and get laughed, so he just being sad and sitting at the car park alone with Iqeat a cup of coffee. But it was one of the best moment when Cheng came out and surprised him and ask him to join. And that night is the very first time they had a photo together. Even cool is Cheng edited the picture, and he can see it how much effort and love she put to edit that picture. He loves it.

He got text message from her, she said UITM semester break is around the corner, she need to get back to her home town for a long time, he felt worried if he cant meet her anymore. So he made a plan to go out all day for the last time, so he asked her out for a movie, but he was stupid when the time he supposed to pick her up he was fall asleep and missed it. He very upset to him self. He manage to get the second chance, this time he not sleep at all for 2 days to ensure he not miss it again.

So they going out to Cineliesure, they are planning to watch Phobia, Thailand horror movie. But there was a mistake that he does before entering the cinema. Because lack of sleeping, he so caught up with his own emotional, he felt like Cheng not even treat him well, he feels like Cheng more talking to Iqeat instead of him, so he confuse and the negative taught was there, he thinks Cheng likes Iqeat more than him. He is so caught up till he lose his temper a bit and yell at Cheng about it. Drastically he felt guilty and shame of his unprofessional attitude. He couldn't say a word. He not that dumb yet, it always Jiro kind of style, he will say sorry as soon as possible before he caught up with another disaster of guiltiness. Once he sit, he whisper to her and apologizing. She just smile and say
"tak best la kalau budak kecik i nih marah marah, hype ler k"
He smile back and say "OK!", he notice that he sit to near to her, now the real conflict of life begun, he want to sit right next to her and very close but he afraid that she will felt uncomfortable, in his head keep rewinding about her saying being single is better and have friends around is more than enough. He so so caught up, he don't know what to do, either respect her all out or try to give a shot. He not even concentrate on that movie, suddenly the screaming part comes, this is sound tricky but in a split second he think of a classic way to grab her hand, soon the ghost came, he hold her hand and tease her because of being afraid. But that time he feel relief because he can feel it very obviously, its not just him that hold that hand, she even hold tighter. He just smiling while watching horror movie. **Isn't that sound so stupid? Bake des~

So he came back to the track, happy till night. He cant get enough, he just smile, smile and smile. And he confirmed that he loves her so very much. But he don't want to take any advance step because he respect her as wanted to be single, he don't want to face any rejection or losing someone that make him happy. He just want her to be around and that's more important.

After a few days, they went out again to Sunway Pyramid, it maybe the last time they are meeting because Cheng have to go back to her hometown for the semester break. So Jiro wanna take a lot of picture with her. They really got a very good time, they happy and Jiro never been that happy since last winter. He feel of heaven ground, and he careless about others that time, all he ever wanted to see she was happy and laughing. He can hold her hands, hug her and even better they care for each other.

But Jiro don't want to make it the last day, he really want to know how it feel to meet her alone. So Jiro fix up a very fast idea, he ask her to kept all the photo taken from Sunway Pyramid and save it in her pendrive, he promise to return it back before he take a leave. But Jiro think that Cheng already figure out that idea, so that's why maybe Cheng just go with the flow.

Later tomorrow, according to Jiro plan, he should return her pendrive that evening, well Jiro seems like not very happy that time, because Cheng have to leave the town. So he request Cheng to just come alone, he just wait at usual place, Jiro never think any advance plan, he just plan to return the pendirve. But what a lucky charm, he ask her out for a ride just near by and she agree. So they talk alot about their self. Share their problem and so on. So now we're near to the best part..

Later that night when he sent her back to her dorm, she left him with a cute little black doll. Its really cute, and he was so happy as she said that was her replacement to accompany him around when she's out of town. And suddenly she kiss him for a very first time. In that split second, he could see everything he ever had, the bad feeling and the bad history once again all flushed away with that magical kissed. He was shocked. He cant let her go, he almost crying but he force to not to. She comfort him and ask him to not be save, she want him to be hype all the time and she need him when she back here again. He promise her to always keep on waiting, it's really on his own will. Since that moment, they talk to each other everyday, on the phone, on the text, on YM on what ever can to be contacted. Every day they keep saying "I Love You" to each other.

See, if we believe that love not just about being together, its more to believe in each other, trust, respect and loyalty, we really could create real love, its more than just being declare that he's mine and she's mine or maybe we don't need that sort of declaration, all we need is patient and keep feeding the love with what love really need. Not over controlling the love, let it made from sincerity. If we do it right, not because we just want her or he to be ours, we really can change a person that say they don't need relationship or love by prove it to them that it is not so bad to get involved.

Jiro really loves Cheng so much, and today he really work hard to not just for today relationship, but for something beyond after today. Yes a lot of people telling us not to work hard for something we not sure but is it wrong if we just have the believing on to cherish it?



"Kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan yang menentu kan. Jadi lah kita seorang yang perancang yang baik, kerana ketentuan Tuhan bagi orang yang berusaha adalah berbaloi dari malas dan mengharap ketntuan Tuhan pada nya sering yang baik baik belaka sahaja. Hidup dengan tuah tidak seindah hidup dengan usaha, lebih lagi pada kepercayaan dan keikhlasan."


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